Corbyn Apocalypse?

Waiting for the result of the Labour Party leadership vote, I thought it was a good time to share this astonishing piece from the Daily Mail last month. To attack left-leaning Jeremy Corbyn, the right-wing paper published a fictionalised future history, a report of Jeremy Corbyn’s first 1000 days as Prime Minister of the UK.

‘Give him enough rope and he will hang himself,’ a Blairite had said when Corbyn was elected Labour leader. That was true enough. The only problem was that he had hung the country too.

Money woes: In this imagined future, Britain is £3trillion in debt, and the price of bread has rocketed to £5 a loaf

What’s interesting is that apocalypticism and millennialism frequently function like this – although we are used to thinking of prophecy as predictions of the future, perhaps it is more important to consider it as criticism of the present. It is is not about what must happen, but about what must change; and therefore, a successful prophecy could be not one that happens, but one that provokes action in the present which prevents the prediction from happening –  quite the opposite of the traditional way of thinking about it. Similarly, this function operates outside of “religious” contexts – although perhaps party political allegiances are “religious” as much as anything.

Among the ramifications of left-wing policy, according to the Daily Mail:

“One Direction went off on a US tour and never returned. Multi-millionaire comedians who had once cheered Labour couldn’t see the joke when confronted with a Labour Prime Minister who actually meant what he said about soaking the rich. The summer transfer window saw the Premier League’s biggest stars departing en masse.”

“With Corbyn abandoning the nuclear deterrent and slashing defence spending, US President Donald Trump announced that America could no longer regard Britain as a reliable ally.”

“When he sold our nuclear submarines to President Putin at a cut-price rate, Trump called for the UK’s expulsion from Nato”

“Protesting that he had never been guilty of anti-Semitism, the Prime Minister declared that Israel was the chief obstacle to peace in the Middle East, and described Islamic State as a partner in the peace process. He was photographed shaking hands at No 10 with the leaders of Hamas, Hezbollah, and other Islamic terrorist organisations.”

That last one’s my favourite. The first two points I don’t have a problem with. If only Corbyn could have abolished the monarchy too…

You can read the full story here.

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